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  • Writer's pictureShane


Once upon a time a chicken named Dirk

Thought that it we quite absurd

That for some odd reason his wings wouldn’t work

After all he was a bird

One day he decided that it wasn’t fair

That chickens weren’t meant to fly

It wasn’t likely, but he didn’t care

Today he was going to try

So, he ran really fast and he flapped and flapped

He flipped, and he fluttered around

But no matter how hard his little wings flapped

His feet ended up on the ground

So, then he decided to talk to some birds

That knew how to fly in the sky

If he would listen to their wise words

Then he would learn how to fly

First, he went over to talk to a bird

Whose name was Bluebird Bart

He was well-behaved and kind of a nerd

But he was also very smart

So, Dirk asked Bart why his wings wouldn’t work

And he asked him why chickens can’t fly

Bart thought for a while, then looked at Dirk

And this was his reply

“If you take the square root of the length of your wings

And divide by the size of your beak

And add to the portion of unequal thing

You’ll find that your stomach is weak

The degree of the weakness, times the subtraction

Of the number of feathers on your left thigh

Causes a very unbalanced reaction

And that Dirk, is why you can’t fly.”

Dirk said, “Bart, you may be right

But I still think that I can

Birds aren’t the only ones who know about flight

I’m going to talk to a man.”

So, he went and asked a man named Mike

A tall, bald basketball guy

“I am a bird so what I would like

Is to simply learn how to fly”

Michael thought for a while and then he said

First, make sure you drink Gatorade

Then you’ve got to shave your head

And don’t do anything unless you get paid

Stick out your tongue, wear the right shoe

Show off for the fans and the sweeties

You don’t really fly but they think that you do

Then tell them it’s because you eat Wheaties

I know it’s not easy to be like me

But I guess you can give it a try

But sooner or later I think you will see

That chickens just weren’t meant to fly”

Dirk didn’t agree so off he went

Without even taking a breather

To talk to Dumbo the elephant

They didn’t think he could fly either

This time for sure he would learn

This time he was doing it right

Certainly, this famous pachyderm

Could tell him the secret to flight

So, he went up to Dumbo and eagerly asked

“Why can’t I fly? I find it absurd

That it’s easy for you but such a task

For me and I am a bird”

Dumbo thought for a minute, then he said

“First of all, never say never

Then wear this silly hat on your head

And here, take this magic feather

Wait, now I remember that feather doesn’t work

But don’t worry, push back your fears

Just jump off that platform, it’s easy Dirk

Simply start flapping you ears

Wait a minute, your ears are too small

Why they hardly even show

With those stubby things, you surely will fall

Come back when they’ve started to grow”

By now Dirk was tired of this elephant

And all of his mumbo jumbo

Dirk softly mumbled as off he went

“No wonder they call him Dumbo”

Dirk had spent all day trying

He didn’t know what else to do

Perhaps chickens weren’t meant for flying

Perhaps what they told him was true

So, he began to walk home on his own two feet

And the end of this discouraging day

He passed two boys walking across the street

And he heard one of them say

“Why did that chicken cross the road?”

“I don’t know,” the other replied

“The reason he crossed the road”, He said

Was to get to the other side”

They both started laughing really hard

And Dirk’s sadness was excused

He felt so happy to be a part

Of what made these boys so amused

Dirk said to himself, “I’m glad I can’t fly

Even if I am a bird

Because if I could I’d be in the sky

And this would have never occurred”

He was now so happy just crossing the road

And never again wanted to fly

From that time on he kept crossing the road

While everyone kept asking “Why?”

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